My E71 was discharged from the service center today.. YIPEE!! =)

At the service center, a man was scolding loudly into the phone at some service staff. He sounded so angry because its been 9 months and the service center still havn't solve the phone problem for good. Hmm.. I tot this man is so patient to have beared with them for 9 months before he finally exploded. and.. this shows how lousy the technical support is huh?

Soon after I got my phone back, I got a call from Dad. He told me a few things but all of which I already knew. Then he said something that was suppose to sound disturbing to me but  I was able to respond to that very calmly and almost emotionlessly. Was it because I do not care anymore or was it that I know all too well he is just saying all these but will not actually have the guts to do it? I do not know. 

Deep down I had wanted to reassure him and tell him in a soft and loving voice "Dad, I love you and I will take care of you. Just stop struggling to hold onto the impossible already. It is ok to let go". I could hear my voice speaking those words in my head. However, when I actually spoke to dad, my reply was curt. The tone and the words that came out of my mouth were so different from what I had intended and I felt really guilty about it.

Guilty for failing to speak to dad lovingly, I smsed mum instead to tell her that God has told me the right way to help them is not by assisting them to procrastinate further by 'buying time' for the problem, but by facing the problem with them. I don't know how mum interpretate or understood my sms but she replied with "Ok. Let's do it this way."
 
I have been praying for dad and mum for the past few years about this problem. Will this be the final hurdle to cross? Is this the final hurdle to complete freedom from this financial bondage? How difficult will it be to cross this hurdle? Are there more hurdles to come after this or is this the last of the last? 

Dad still refused to accept what is happening. He still refuses to eat the humble pie. He said he'd rather die. On the other hand, I know that God will may a way where there seems to be no way. He is working all things together for our good, and certainly, for dad's good.

Things are happening fast. They all seem like dark clouds at the moment but I know that the dark clouds will clear, sooner or later, and after that, the sun will shine again. It's all just a matter of time. And of course, its in His perfect time.

Waiting for the verdict on Wednesday. The next 20 to 30 days that follow could be living hell for dad and mum but I pray God will carry them through and bring them out into the light in their darkest hour.

Dear Mister God, what will 2009 be like?
 
Will there be fun and laughter, joy and peace?
Will it be a time of rejoicing, will my heart sing?
Will the students be as good as angels?
Will I grow horns and start to play the devil?
Will I do my work because they are my convictions
or will I be doing them because I'm a POW - Prisoner of Work?

I want to be able to freely dance and sing
I want to have time to smell the roses and enjoy the breeze
Help me O'God to walk close with You
To finish all things in accordance to Your will 
To do them not by my might or my power
But by Your spirit

How I wish I can be to You a lovely thing
Heal me of all wounds, seen and unseen
Save my wretched body too from all sins and temptations
Mould me and shape me into Your lovely vessel
Help me grow ears that listen for Your voice only
Help me grow a heart that is faithful and longs for You only

Help me not to chase anything
Help me not be a slave to anything
Let me not be in need of anything
Help me be able to love people and share with them everything
Give me eyes that can see the good in everybody and everything
Help me to see hope in everything

Prepare me for eternity as the end days draw near
Help me grow stronger in faith and in obedience
Set my eyes on the eternal goal
and never fall away because of sin
Help me to be able to face all tomorrows
Let me be able to put a smile on Your face at the end of each day

Cutey little tweety-bird
It flies, it sings
Its afraid of no dirt.

Its got a big family
its got friends a plenty
so far I havn't seen a tweety-bird that is lonely

It is not picky about food
It eats them all - cooked or uncooked
And its figure remains so slender

It can travel the world
By just spreading its wings
It needs no passport or money

Tweety-bird makes its home anywhere
It doesn't need a bed,
Hp, TV or the Internet

Tweety-bird doesn't bother about owning Ferrarris
or CD, Pradas, Gucci, LVs...
It already looks good and it needs wear no more

Tweety has so little things
and yet its joy is complete
Hmm... but what about the humans?

Just when I thought that the bad thing is over, something worse happened. Now even my spare nokia 5300 got the same problem as my E71. Is it just nokia phones or is it just MY phones? Do nokia spread their problems like viruses? *groan* Now I feel so cut off from the rest of the world... If a phone can make me feel like a part of me has gone missing, I wonder what will having no internet connection make me feel - guess I may just die? =p

I know that its soooo wrong to feel that way, right? - like I can't survive without IT. But I can't stop myself from feeling that way. The DG just discussed about not conforming to the ways of the world (Rom 12:1-15) on Friday and here I am feeling like my world has turned topsy-turvey without my phone.

Surely after all these, the message and lesson for me is this - my phone or the Internet should not be the things I can't live without. I shouldn't act like my whole life depends on IT. I should still be able to get on with life without IT. IT should just be no more than a means of communication for me. Period.

This is a painful lesson to learn... ouch.

Still waiting and hoping for the revival of my phones.

Gota bring another phone to nokia tmr...

It was still working fine when I was at camp. It was able to power up, charge and function normally. It was all good until I return from camp and tried to charge it because it was already low on battery. The battery indicator shows that it is charging but truth is, it couldn't charge at all. I left it to charge the entire night but by the next morning. it was still uncharged. And now, it wouldn't even power on. Maybe it is because of the flat battery. Or maybe it is just dead *gasp* So I gota send it to Nokia soon *sigh*

Bro was sweet though. I told him abt my dead E71 yesterday and asked for his nokia 5300 battery so that i can pop it into my spare nokia 5300 and use it while he make do with his old motorolla till i get my E71 fixed (my own battery for that phone has malfunctioned and I havn't got myself a replacement). He opened up his 5300, took out the battery and passed it to me without making too much fuss. That was so00 sweet of him =)

Time to bring E71 to Nokia now, then, going to Sarimbun Camp later.....

Got home from camp today. Felt so glad and thankful to be back home. My bed and pillows never felt softer and smelled better. I settled in my chair in front of my old, faithful laptop to sort out the camp pics. Then I remembered the m&ms in my room and felt like eating them. I opened the cupboard, took out the yellow tub, opened it, expecting to find at least half a tub full of m&ms.... but to my greatest sadness, there's only a tweeny-weeny bit of it left. I wondered who did that to me and my m&ms *cry out loud* On second tots, should I thank that rat for helping me eat up so much of the 'sinful stuff'' and for having the courteosy to save a little bit of it for me?

"God will lead us to victory, but success itself is the most dangerous obstacle to  properly hearing the voice of God." (Loren Cunningham, Is That Really You, God?)

After reading that quote in the book, I've started reflecting on those occasions when I've allowed success to block out God's voice and cloud out the glory that is due to him. Then, I told myself that from now on I will pray harder and more often, and always make it a point to turn to God for guidance so that:

1. I can let God lead me to victory,
2. God's glory does not get clouded out by success, and,
3. I can focus on the giver and His voice calling out to me, not on the gift itself

When we become too focused on the gift. we grieve God who is the giver. We need to constantly keep our pride in check or we can't blame God for disposing or letting to die those things he has first called us out to do. God, in his sovereignty, may resurrect those plans He has allowed to die - just like how He chose not to heal Lazarus but waited for him to die first then ressurected him, so that the ressurection itself brings more glory to Him than the healing (adapted from Is That Really You, God). He may also choose to heal those dieing plans. But the point to drive home is this - if only we have checked with Him and remembered Him first when undertaking those tasks, if only we didn't get so engrossed or excited that we turned our focus from Him, the task will not need to die, we will not need to suffer the pain of death of the task or have to take a longer and more difficult course.


Open my ears to hear Him carefully,
Open my eyes so I may see,
Let not my pride or the gifts blind me,
Help me remember and honor Thee.  

Its 2 am and I'm feeling contented and happy with my new Nokia E71 beside me. I used to pay very little attention to my phone. Whenever the message alert goes off, I will not bother to go read the incoming message unless I feel like it (now you know why I sometimes take ages to reply to smses =p). But recently, I became somewhat more excited about checking my incoming messages =) Mebbe its because of the irresistable design of the E71 (the buttons are so small and cute and the LCD is so nice and big, you just can't have enough of it) or, mebbe its because I now enjoy receiving and reading those edifying and encouraging smses. Hmm... question - who is so nice as to send those messages so often?

So now what? Do I respond? How should I respond? Do I reciprocate? Or should I just sit still and do nothing about those questions and smses? I used to be really impatient about waiting. I used to let my heart take the lead all the time. But this time somehow, I'm extremely cool-headed about it. I want to be able to see with my eyes, hear with my ears and know with my heart that this one is not a mistake and that it is a gift that was prepared specially for me. Otherwise I'm just setting myself up for another disaster or catastrophy. And so I'm still waiting for a reply, some kind of indication, a confirmation.

Since when have I become so obedient and so conservative? *chuckles* I'm surprised at that too. Mebbe its really signs of ageing - you think and make decisions and act on things slower...  or mebbe BSF has done a wonderful job in teaching me to be faithful and obedient. Ooo.. I can't wait for BSF to start again. Thursday evenings feel weird and empty without BSF.

Seriously, what have I done to deserve or gain those feelings of liking and fondness? He only knows me by what he thought I've done. He doesn't even know who or what I really am, does he? No doubt he may be exactly what I've asked God for (err.. btw, God, is the one that's described in my list reali suppose to look like that?), but am I exactly what he has asked God for too?

Bebo Norman - The Hammer Holds

A shapeless piece of steel, that's all I claim to be
This hammer pounds to give me form, this flame, it melts my dreams
I glow with fire and fury, as I'm twisted like a vine
My final shape, my final form, I'm sure I'm bound to find

So dream a little dream for me in hopes that I'll remain
And cry a little cry for me so I can bear the flames
And hurt a little hurt for me, my future is untold
But my dreams are not the issue here, for they, the hammer holds

The water, it cools me gray, and the hurt subdued somehow
I have my shape this sharpened point, what is my purpose now?
And the question, it still remains, what am I to be?
Perhaps some perfect piece of art displayed for all to see

A hammer pounds again, but flames I do not feel
This force that drives me helplessly through flesh and wood reveals
A burn that burns much deeper, it's more than I can stand
The reason for my life was to take the life of a guiltless man

So dream a little dream for me in hopes that I'll remain
And cry a little cry for me so I can bear the pain
And hurt a little hurt for me, my future is so bold
But my dreams are not the issue here, for they, the hammer holds

This task before me may seem unclear, but it, my maker holds

---------------------------------------------------------------------

December is approaching. 2008 is ending. I've started teaching for real in the school. I'm done with my 'honeymoon' period in the school. I've been diving alot less and staying in school and at home a lot more. What is installed for me in 2009? What will life in 2009 be like? What kind of teacher and colleague will I make? How will the bad economy affect me?

What is my purpose here? (Good question. I'm still questioning God and myself about that one) When will God take me home with Him? (I seriously can't wait for this one) Not because I'm tired of breathing through my blocked nose, or that I'm tired of trying to type this with droopy eye-lids (I'm having a fever now, I just popped four pieces of Panadol in hope to subdue the cursed fever by tonight). I'm just tired of watching people struggle in life. I have struggles in my life too and I'm getting tired of them.

Heaven sounds like a good place to be in. Even if there's not gonna be cinemas or malls or tv (actually I havn't got a clue at all what heaven will and will not have), at least I know for sure that it will be a perfect place filled with perfect beings. Although Jesus did say that before we can get there, the trials and sufferings that we will see will be like never before, I still want to get to the end of it. I used to be afraid for the unprecedented sufferings that Jesus has mentioned but I guess I'm now more focused on the goal. Amen.

2009 seems so unclear for me now. How many more years will I live before I see God face to face? Will I be caught in  the rapture? Will I live in the end times? When is the start of the end times? Will I get to get married and have babies first *giggles* before all that happen?

I was asked today if I'll be willing to try to accept him in my life and also to enter and share with him his life. I felt so bad at hearing that invitation. He is everything that I had asked God for but I felt bad and hesitant about accepting his invitation. How do I tell him that I am not as good as he thought I was; I'm not boyfriendless all these while; and I have chosen to stay single for now because I'm afraid of another failed relationship?

 

She used to be at my shoulder level. Now she has shot way past that height. Athalie... she grew up so fast! I've not seen her for just 1yr and she has grown 20cm?
She's so cute... she said her fringe look horrible so she has to cover it. But I tot she looked just fine. Pretty as always *wink*

The journey to STU is like the journey to the Ivory Tower in The Neverending Story or The Journey to the West (for those who watch Sun Wukong). Shall not describe more in case I get busted here. But those who went there today will all share the same sentiments =) Anyways, despite all the difficulties and inconveniences, I was blessed along the way =) A couple stopped their car to ask if i was heading for STU. I said 'yes' and they delightfully invited me to hop onto their car. What JOY to meet such kindred spirits *smile* They saved me from having to walk another 1km in the maze, in the scorching sun to get to the secluded place.

The sweetness didn't just end there =) In the classroom at STU, from where I was sitting, I saw a familiar face. She looked at me and I looked at her and we just keep looking at each other for about a minute. I looked and looked at her forever because I wanted to confirm that she who was also looking back at me is really my sec sch teacher. It would be so embarressing to go up to her to say 'Hi! You are...' if she isnt who I thought she is in the first place.  
 so I met Miss Jane Tan again, after 14 long years (I still remember what remarks she wrote in my report book that year she was my form teacher =p) She is now Mrs Choe and a mother of two. During the break, I walked over to her table and to my amazement, she remembered me! I was soooooooo happie. It been 14 years and I was still in her memories somewhere. She's sooo sweet - we chatted a bit during the course, she updated me on her life and after that she drove me home =)

She still looked about the same as before.. a bit slimmer than 14 yrs ago.. haha